Mike Modano on Twitter

Hola, hockey amigos: here’s hoping the recent spout of freezing cold rain has not crushed your Stars-lovin’ souls into grey, formless matter! Last week we slapped the proverbial Ruler of Shame across the Stars’ collective knuckles; this week, I was planning on compiling my tri-annual Marty Turco: Tending Hard or Hardly Tending? column, until I was suddenly sidetracked by last year’s hot new technology: Twitter.

A quick tech support lesson for the uninitiated: Twitter is this program that allows anyone to see what it is you’re doing at all times. Originally just a throw-away byline from the Patriot Act, the nifty little widget has taken off: American celebrities have once again proven to be on the vanguard of technology, taking Twitter from its original anti-foreigner purposes and turning it into something beautiful. For example, just check out today’s Twitter feed from noted Celebrity Who Plays Hockey Mike Modano:

Modano takes his 24/7 connectivity very seriously

# I’m at the northpark, any1 touches me gets 2 tickets, tag me, and say yur twit u hv 20 min. 10:13 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# who is your favorite person in the whole wide world and why??????? Is it me??? 10:11 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# so chilly out this morning, I can’t wait 2 get a warm hug 10:10 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# I look good in mesh. tipp says no thong at morning skate. I HATE HIM!!!. 10:03 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# did anyone catch sportscenter? did they show me doing anything? 10:00 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# my ms. pacman score: 1 less than willa. how does she do it? 9:44 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# I’m going to change my name to ottsux 9:35 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# Tabitha coming back? DON’T TEASE ME, BRO! 9:10 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# last time I watched tape was when derian killed that ref by accident 8:35 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# I know I heard someone make fun of me just now 8:22 AM Mar 12th from Twitwit

# too late to sign with the bruins? 8:11 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# Willa and i practice abstinence. 8:05 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# who else hates brendan morrisdouche? im yr 2nd line center tipp!!!! 7:59 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# is there really a bible in spanish? 7:55 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# E! wants to do a reality show with willa and me. im not gonna cry. 7:48 March 12th from Twitwit

# is anyone awake with me?????? WAKE UP!!!! im hungry!! 7:35 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# I just ate too much butter. but its organic!! willa held my hair as i threw up 7:33 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# that was the best meal i ever had!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 7:20 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# thinking of scoring a goal tonight!! or an assist!!! 7:05 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# another day, another goal. so to speak. i technically might not score any goals on this particular day. 7:04 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# take that carbs! canada has a no-carb diet! lolz. hope more coaches that beat us get fired! 7:01 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# I’ll try harder when they make me a first-line center again. foolish mortals. 6:58 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# drank 2 much at ghostbar last nite with ricky martin. now my butt hurts lol 6:55 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# luv 2 wake up to celene deon in morning. she roxxx!!!! 6:54 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# gon2bed now. dunno whos vomit is on my cardigan. 4:07 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# who is this strange man? 2:19 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# I dont like it when willa leaves me alone here. ill hide in the bathroom again 2:11 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# I like dressing up but hate going out 1:01 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# I think that bouncer winked at me 12:33 AM March 12th from Twitwit

# she drives like a crazy person lol 12:15 AM March 12th from Twitwit

Truly the words of a poet. Chew on that, Ginsberg! Tune in next week when we’ll stop in on Tony Romo’s Beat Poetry Hour (“snap flows like running stream. i move back, then forth, then back again. i see witten, now he’s gone. linebacker linebacker linebacker linebacker. ouch”)