There’s Something Clearly Wrong With the Detroit Red Wings

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but if I could express myself through the time-honored centuries-long artistic medium of youtube faceplant videos, I feel the Red Wings’ performance in Pittsburgh last night was quite similiar to this:

Where’s the solid positioning? The calm tape-to-tape passing? The suffocating positional defense and resulting smooth transitional game? Detroit had none of this going for any amount of time last night. One might say the Red Wings look…. mortal.